What Women Do Wrong

Although my literary work on relationships has, to this point at least, been aimed at men.  It isn’t at all difficult for female readers to learn what they need to know about themselves from the material, and about their role in relational difficulties.  Explaining to men in explicit detail how women make relationships problematic, the role of women, it would seem, is being made abundantly clear.

So women having read my material, and yet asking me for a more direct appeal to them, as in, “Tell us women what we should know,” I admit to being perplexed.  Actually, the request gave me pause.  I thought, Oh sure.  Women want me to directly indict them so they can kick my ass in the village square! 

The truth is, I typically avoid talking directly with women about themselves and relationship matters.  Why?

Because women get defensive when you’re critical of them.  That’s why!

“But-but, men do this!” and “men do that!” women say.  Discussions are fruitless, usually.  Somewhere in the middle you find yourself thinking:  Why, this conversation has turned into a real marriage.

Not all women are this way but, frankly, the percentage is too high and it just isn’t worth the gamble.

Although, if there is one medium through which I might attempt to address women more directly, as in, Here’s What You Do Wrong, Ladies, it’s writing.  Writing a message one isn’t standing in front of an audience of women and exposed to stinging glares and pursed lips.  One doesn’t have to take questions, either, or to endure defensive rebuttals, hecklers, or a collective attack.  Sitting behind the keyboard one is insulated from all that.

So, it’s with this rather comforting degree of separation that I offer the upcoming.  Following is a direct appeal to women regarding some primary issues of theirs that, when addressed and repaired, will bring about immediate improvement in their relationships with men.

Let’s begin with this baseline issue:

Women are unbearably self-conscious.

Their appearance, their bodies, their image—driven by insecurity and vanity, life is one giant political nightmare for women, a daily and unending siege that results in emotional imbalance.  Women are up; they’re down.  They feel good about themselves; they feel bad.  A fundamental and primary issue, the self-consciousness has a direct effect on relationships, and specifically men.

How so?

Essentially, women hand men their self-consciousness baggage:  I don’t feel pretty; make me feel pretty.  I feel unloved, not good enough; make me feel loved and good enough.  Men say “I love you” and “you are beautiful” and “you’re more than good enough” a thousand times over, but it doesn’t matter.  If it mattered, it wouldn’t need repeating and reproving.

I know, I know.  It matters, ladies.  Temporarily, at least.

It is as if women continuously push their men toward an obvious truth that needs to be finally acknowledged, which is:  I’m undesirable, and you can’t love or want me.  So, just admit it!  Have an affair.  Leave me for another woman, a prettier woman, and prove me right.  Put me out of my misery, damn you! 

 Yeah, like, that’s attractive, ladies.

Like, that kindles and maintains a fire in the ol’ loins.

Like, men want to wake-up to shoveling women out from under their insecurities and miseries, and to the daily drudgery of reassurance and self-esteem building.

Like, it’s okay that you say, “Well, that’s just how women are made!”

Like, not.

Bottom line:  men aren’t baggage handlers.

In fact, let’s reverse this phenomenon.  How attractive are insecure men, ladies?

Yeah, that’s the point.  Neither are you.

The difference is it’s expected of women, and tolerated.

How ‘bout some damn confidence, ladies?!  Pretend if you have to, which should be easy given you’re the best actors on the planet.

What?  You disagree?

Eh-hm.  Exhibit A:  red-faced and yelling, my wife can be blind with anger toward me.  Were the doorbell to ring, she can walk to the door, open it, and immediately change into an entirely new persona.  Smiling and bright, she’s suddenly Mary Poppins:  “Hi, Becky!  How are you?  Girl, come on in!”

There’s not a trace of anger!

And as my wife and Becky transition into the sitting room, my wife, while sounding all sunny and bright, can secretly shoot me the most ghastly glare at the same time.

“Would you like something to drink, Becks?—death glare!  Daggers-daggers!!

It’s amazing!

Although the instantaneous and seamless Jekyll and Hyde transitioning concerns me, I have to admit admiring my wife’s control.  And in fact, I don’t dare answer the door when I’m angry, because I’m a terrible pretender.

Becky takes one look at me and says, “Uh, is this a bad time?  I’ll come back later.”

So, women are masters of make believe!

Respect, incidentally.

Thus, feigning some damn confidence ought to be a walk in the park for women.  So try it, ladies.  Stop with the unbearable self-consciousness.  Forget about the appearance, the body, the image-related stuff.  Women advise men not to try and be cool when interacting with women, and to just be themselves.  Women should take their own advice and cease with the self-conscious politics.

Make believe you’re Jennifer Aniston or whichever beautiful celebrity women wish they could be these days.  I think you’ll be amazed at, one, how well you adapt.  And two, at how well men respond.


Huge problem, ladies.  Yuuge!  Relationally speaking, every dispute is lined with an accusation.  What does this mean exactly?  It means, in spite of all the additional, inapplicable drama, every fight has a specific, baseline accusation.  Fights erupt and turn into a buffet of issues, when in fact, there’s only one issue.  It’s the accusation.  Or, the real problem.

Disputes are about accusation, which takes the form of criticism, too, incidentally, and women level a lot more of both.

I wrote a chapter in my book entitled The Perpetual Villain.  The basic point is:  by virtue of the plentiful criticisms and accusations issued by their women, men are considered a relationship’s constant evildoer.  Or let’s say, it’s implied.

Men are always doing something wrong—not saying what they’re expected to say, not saying something the correct way, not saying it often enough, not being “present,” not caring or doing enough, looking at other women, and, well, I’m only just beginning this extremely long list and am already annoyed.

Thereto, men can prove themselves loyal, considerate partners for decades.  Yet even decades-in to a relationship, women readily issue criticisms and accusations as if their men have been everything but loyal, considerate partners for decades.

Basically, men are constant parolees in relationships.  Entering the relationship they were decided criminals with long rap-sheets, and every moment since they’ve been under the watchful eye of their women, their parole officers, anticipating the next violation.

So then, do women respect their men?

Well, let’s see?  Men are deemed villains, their every step monitored as if the next misstep is a forgone conclusion.  This the undeniable premise, how is respect possible?  It isn’t possible.

Villains can’t be respected.  They’re villains!

Can you see how men might feel this way, ladies?

Further, I guess we can say it’s men, not women, who are actually being “disrespected.” Can’t we?

Why, I believe we can.  Yes!

And then men grow tired of the disrespect, tired of being criticized and accused, and tired of visits to the parole office.  Fully fatigued and justifiably annoyed, they leave the relationship, and women are shocked.

“What an asshole!” women say to their girlfriends, sobbing.  Oh, I hear you girl!  C’mere.  I’m so sorry.

Really?  Asshole?  Seems to me the designation better suits the parole officers.

The point, ladies, is to change your perspective.  Instead of employing the self-fulfilling, relationship sabotaging perpetual villain mindset to a man’s every word and deed, think:  this man cares about me, wants the best for me, wants to take care of me, and wants to see me happy.  And considering he keeps pawing at me, he obviously desires me, and perhaps I need to bang him harder and waaay more often—the last was to engender favor from men.

But seriously, you need to do it.

Again, reverse the roles in this perpetual villain phenomenon.  Do women want men assessing their every word and behavior with a guilty first and proof of innocence required mindset?

Yeah, that’s the point.  Men don’t like it, either.  It’s tiresome.

So, no more accusing and criticizing.  To control the accusing and criticizing, how about this novel idea:  trust your men, believe them.  It’s crazy, I know.  But, give it a try.

Comparing your relationship to everyone else’s.

Who doesn’t want the best, most flattering image of themselves put forward?  And so, that’s what people see.  It’s what is behind the image; that’s what we’re interested in.  Take Susan for example.

Susan is extremely attractive, gets all those goofy comments from men on social media for it, too:  “You’re so hot!”  “Yum!”  Heart emojis and the like.  The fact is, Susan is totally insecure.  A cleansing of self-doubt, the photos and subsequent male praise are like dialysis for her.

Thereto, I want to say, Dudes.  With those type comments, you literally have no chance—no chance at all.  Now, were a man to respond, “You’re hot.  But you’re not the hottest women I’ve ever seen.”  Susan can’t wait to convince him he’s wrong.

Look, I didn’t make the rules, ladies.  I’ve just read the rulebook.

Nevertheless, the relative point about Susan are the pictures she posts of herself and her men—her husbands, in fact.  Well, ex-husbands.

The pair posing together for a selfie over an expensive lunch at an exclusive restaurant—the restaurant’s high-profile name clearly visible in the photo of course, which is part of the image-manufacturing process, incidentally—the caption underneath reads:  “Me and the best man on earth having lunch at Del Quavos,” or wherever.

The Del Quavos menu not-so-inconspicuously worked into the selfie, you’d think identifying the restaurant twice wouldn’t be required.  But hey, when manufacturing an image, it pays to be thorough.

Anyway, the visual message is:  my man and my relationship are awesome!  I’m living the high-life, one all you average daydreamers only wish you could live.  Did you notice the menu, by the way?  Del Quavos?  You should’ve.  I mean, I worked it into the post twice, for chrissake.  So, aren’t you jealous?

And it’s amazing how many women are indeed jealous.

Next thing you know, the average daydreamers are upstairs glaring at their own men, who are watching the game.  “We never go anywhere!” they say.  “You never take me anywhere nice to eat, like, Del Quavos!  All you do is watch sports!”

Only, here are the facts about Susan:  she’s a nightmare to live with.  Honestly?  A total, self-interested, self-serving bitch.  Several husbands and the court records prove it.

So in other words, Susan puts on a fake selfie smile—the uniform one, like the standing–slightly bent knee–hand-on-hip pose every woman not-so-naturally-or-uniquely assumes—and after snapping the picture, she instantaneously loses the fake smile and returns to being her normal, bitchy self.  “Use your napkin, asshole.  I swear, you’re such a rube … disgusted eyeroll.”

Next stop:  divorce court.  Susan wiping a tear, “Yes, your honor.  He treated me like dirt, always talking down to me.  It was  … sniff, sniff … emotional abuse.”

The point is, all isn’t what it seems.  I mean, it should be a dead giveaway that all isn’t as it seems considering people look a whole lot more attractive on social media than in person.  So, stop the comparisons, ladies.  Start living in your own sphere.  Enjoy it.  Nurture it.  Protect it.  It’s likely a waaay better environment in which to reside, anyway.

Put it this way:  if everybody threw their problems, or in this case their so called “wonderful lives,” in a community pile where all could be examined, people would grab their own miserable lives and leave.


Here’s the problem:  women are defining what love means relationally.  And if that self-serving standard isn’t being met by their men, then women consider themselves in loveless relationships.

And to the problem, here is a not so readily acknowledged fact:  men and women express love differently.

For example:  her children older and more independent, my empty-nesting mother with more time and less responsibility, was languishing—otherwise known as boredom.  So, she wanted to work outside the home.

Now.  In the first expression of male love, my dad—self-employed, working long days, and a man of considerable responsibility—wanted my mother to be well and happy.  So, he approved of her getting a job.  Concerned, encouraging, supportive—the approval is male love being, if inconspicuously, expressed.

In the second expression of male love, once my mother started working, my dad—again, an extremely busy man with considerable responsibility—had dinner cooked when mom came home from work.  The consideration, inconspicuous though it is again, is yet another expression of male love.  And there are many like examples.

In an example of how women don’t interpret male love, there’s this:  Sosha and Rick had a big fight.  Over what?  Rick not showing Sosha enough attention.  Sosha probably saw one of these broads on social media with such the “wonderful life,” and got her cheekies wedged too tightly.  So, she started a fight.

It having snowed several inches overnight, Rick rose early the next morning—after sleeping  on his side of the bed, incidentally—and shoveled the walk of snow, the driveway, and also cleaned Sosha’s car and warmed it up.  Enter:  Sosha.

Sosha, dressed to the nines for work in her stylish and for-the-occasion calfboots, marches out the door with briefcase and latte in hand.  Chin insolently high, she strides defiantly down the shoveled walk to her waiting and cozy car and, on her way, ignores the frozen, red-cheeked and snot-nosed snow removal person.

And why did she ignore Rick?

Because, despite the red-cheeks and snotty nose on her behalf, Rick still wasn’t showing her enough attention.  And yes—she got in her car, put it in drive, and roared angrily down the driveway.

Now, the difference between Rick and me is, when Sosha got in the car, and having ignored my strenuous and attentive efforts on her behalf, I would have thrown a heaping shovel of snow on her windshield.  And as she tried to wiper it off, I would’ve thrown more.  In fact, I would’ve feverishly tried to rebury the car.

But that’s me, not Rick.

Not saying a word, Rick likely did the wise thing because, at some point during her day, having fully and finally processed the morning events, Sosha probably felt guilty.  Most assuredly, that works to Rick’s advantage, who was probably properly banged when Sosha came home.

Guilt sex.  Now there’s an uninhibited romp.

With me, you process more quickly or your car gets feverishly reburied in snow.

Men don’t complain about not being shown enough attention by their women, or about not being loved sufficiently.  And if they did, women would become nauseous for suddenly finding themselves in a lesbian relationship.  Having to fulfill the female definition of love, and having to continually prove and to reprove their love, men are the ones constantly studying and learning the female language of love.  They’re the ones always performing so as to not only meet the standards of love, but to prove themselves worthy of it.

Meanwhile, women couldn’t care less about the love language men speak.  Women don’t burden themselves with such trivialities, which is why they can’t interpret the language, and never bother.

It’s selfish and inconsiderate, ladies, and I’d rebury your car in snow.

Sex is a problem in relationships because women make it a problem.

Incessantly pawing at their women and pining for sex, men certainly aren’t the problem.  Women becoming lazy towards sex and politicizing it; that’s the problem.

Sexual laziness is one thing, which is much to do with plain old familiarity.  But the politicization, now there’s a complex issue.

There are all sorts of reasons women politicize sex.  Body image is one.  Youthful and inexperienced, and their bodies tight and lithe and supple, women don’t have significant body image issues.  Let the mileage accumulate, however, and with each critical look into the mirror, with each trip aboard the bathroom scale, and with each passing day measuring themselves against an impossible cultural standard of beauty, the issues emerge.

Or, the politics emerge.

For the politics, it isn’t long before the flaw-concealing benefits of absolute darkness become sexual protocol.  It isn’t long before cuddling is outlawed, or at least strictly controlled, for fear men might feel women’s “problem areas.”  It isn’t long before the cheeky and cleavage-inspiring tank-top hit the drawer for the more concealing and more emotionally comforting t-shirt and sweatpants.  Thus, it isn’t long before women are offended by young women wearing cheekies and cleavage-inspiring tank-tops.

And finally, it isn’t long before women are disengaged sexually and, like actress Kirstie Alley, not wanting to have fat sex.

In other words, it isn’t long in a relationship before the sexual nightmare begins for men.

Of course, there’s all the associated diet business men have to endure, too, and don’t want to endure.  The endless weight-consciousness.  The caloric-counting.  The endless goal-setting that never sees any actual movement toward the goal.  The bingeing and guilt.  The inconspicuous grazing to appear diet conscious, yet ultimately eating the same amount as always, only less-conspicuously.

Basically, food takes over the relationship.  Women give more time and energy and attention to food, and to its punishing effects on their bodies, than—?  Well, than anything!  Women are consumed by it all.  And never pleased with what they see, there certainly isn’t any time, energy, and attention paid to sexual theatre of any sort, certain aspects of which would actually burn calories and offset the punishing effects, incidentally.

Nevertheless, careers and children cause the further politicization of sex.  Working women are too exhausted for sex.  Not to mention guilt-ridden.

Guilt-ridden?  You ask.  Why, certainly.

With careers, and with ignored housework for those careers, women are neglecting their children and subsequently racked with guilt.  And of course, dad—the inconsiderate asshole—doesn’t help out enough, which would serve to alleviate the workload and these awful feelings of neglect.

Does anybody assess dad’s contributions?  Is anyone concerned about his stresses and workload?  No.  Wanting sex all the time, he obviously needs more to do.  If he contributed as much as women, he wouldn’t want sex so much, and would totally understand the exhaustion and guilt.

And considering all of these politic issues, what do we have?

A political nightmare.  And who’s responsible for the politics and the nightmare?

Not men.  Although, it would certainly be argued.

So let’s assume women take responsibility for their, um, role in the sex problem.  I could’ve straightly said, take responsibility for the sex problem, but I didn’t.  Avoiding blame and suggesting shared responsibility—even though it isn’t—engenders goodwill and promotes a positive response.  How strategic of me.

Nevertheless, women want to take responsibility and want to do their part.  In terms of doing their part, here’s a fresh bit of news, ladies:  when it comes to your men, it isn’t just about “doing your wifely duty” and the sex.  Not by a longshot.

On virtually every idea relational, men are constantly short-sold by women.  In other words, having no depth, men are the shallowest form of everything.

Inapplicable example:  men can only care about and love women with flawless bodies.

Wrong.  Men tell women over and over that they love them, and that they don’t care about flawless bodies.  It just falls on deaf ears and has to be repeated.

An applicable example:  all men want is sex; it’s purely about the sex.

Wrong.  Way wrong.

It isn’t just about the sex, ladies.  It’s about deliriously wanton eye contact—that reckless, lustful, won’t be denied look you render once or twice a month when, cyclically induced, you’re horny.  It’s about being touchy—overly touchy, as in, Let me see what you have in there!  It’s about lewd dialogue, and saying naughty things.  It’s about pulling men into the laundry room just because, and jerking them off—Honey?!  What’re you do … ?  Are you sure we … ?  Why, what’s gotten into you, dear?

 And there’s usually towels in there, so …

It’s about pretending insatiability and sexual hunger.  And yes, pretending.  Fact is, unless you’re a nympho, nobody has sex on their mind so often so as to not have to sometimes pretend.  And again, women are great at pretending!

The trick is to throw yourself into you role and to be convincing.  Women want men to constantly make them feel desirable.  Well, damn!  When did men stop needing and deserving less of that?  And why do you think men have affairs, anyway?  Because some skank makes them feel desirable.  That’s why.

C’mon!  This is simple stuff.

I’m sorry ladies (meaning: I’m not sorry) but, everybody knows women, their bodies, and sex are the attraction.  Thus, it’s your job to keep it hot, ladies, and you don’t have to be flawless, either.

Actually, keeping it hot presents the real problem for women.

A problem?  You ask.

Oh yes.  Most men don’t know how to respond to excessive, aggressive sexual attention.  So if women keep it hot, they potentially subject themselves to nauseating phone calls from delirious men four and five times a day.  Men are so accustomed to begging and to being denied that, when they’re properly and routinely and adventurously serviced, they get all sappy and goofy acting.

It’s something to consider, ladies.  Else, you find yourself rolling your eyes and flaring your nostrils in disgust when the phone rings … for the fifth time:

Men all tender sounding:  “Hey baby, what’re you doing?”

“Um, the same thing I was doing 20-minutes ago, dear … eyeroll, flaring nostrils.

Anyway, in regards to pretending, here’s the idea for all those visual learners.  Or should I say, here’s the proper attitude.  Go ahead.  Take a look, and go fullscreen.  As usual, we’ll all! wait on you.

What?  You don’t look like Izabel, you say?  So … what?  Not looking like her excuses the effort?  Rather than criticize your men for appreciating the seduction, and rather than accuse them of enjoying it, how ‘bout making an attempt.

Instead of being so self-conscious and self-absorbed, and instead of manufacturing all the reasons men don’t deserve sex, women need to consider all these pearls I humbly offer.  And here’s something else women might ponder:  men could explain all this sexual business to their individual women verbatim—and everything else in this essay, for that matter.  Although their men would be just as correct as me, hearing it from their men would piss women off.

Hearing it from me, however, women not only take note.  They’re warm and welcoming to the ideas.  And here’s the sad reality:  I’m not wearing their wedding ring, or the father of their children, or the one they supposedly “love.”  They’re pissed off at that guy for being honest, for trying to improve the relationship, for desiring them, and for being correct, for chrissake.

There’s something wrong with that.

Worse, pissed off at their men, women would start an unnecessary war.  It would be several days of not speaking, several days of women walking around the house whistling happy, if unrecognizable tunes, pretending to be unaffected by the awkward and unnecessary silence that they provoked.  And after the problem is finally addressed, women will ask men to apologize for their part in the unnecessary war women began!

And men’s part?

Again:  being honest, trying to improve the relationship, and being correct, for chrissake.

There’s something wrong with that.

In regards to sex, ladies, cease with the politics and whistling.  It’s pretty nice to have a man want you so badly, and to be so obvious about it.  So, get in the game.

Just be prepared for the five-a-day phone calls.

Honesty and Communication

There is indeed a communication problem in relationships.  It’s women; they’re the problem.  Yet, who gets accused of poor communication, and is to blame for the same?


How convenient.  How … consistent.

And by whom are men accused?  The problem.

Isn’t that just terrific.

Women tell men they want more honesty from them, more open communication.  Yet when women get the honest communication they supposedly crave so badly, they get their feelings hurt and turn nasty.

The result?  Men cease with the honesty and communication.

Pretty simple, isn’t it?

Where it concerns their women and honest—read: direct—communication, most men live in a perpetual state of wariness.  Why the perpetual state of caution?  Because men are routinely criticized, accused, and berated for what they say.  In other words, what men say has to be femininely filtered for approval.

And what is this essentially?  Well, it’s certainly not open dialogue.

Ultimately, it’s communication control.

Women claim to want honesty from men, and more communication, but what they really want is for men to tell them what they want to hear in the way they want to hear it.  The real culprit in these communication difficulties is feelings—women’s feelings, to be specific.

More emotional, women interpret things differently than men—profoundly different, in fact.  Jostle those sensitivities the slightest bit, and the comment or idea gets interpreted as a personal attack, one that won’t be tolerated.  Self-critical, and living in perpetual guilt, women are beyond quick to defense.

The answer to this problem, ladies?  Pretend—which you’re great at, by the way—you’re a relationship counselor gathering information and getting to a problem’s baseline.  A counselor, you disconnect yourself emotionally.  You ask concerned and direct questions, and don’t feel one way or the other about the responses.  A counselor, you don’t get your feelings in the way, and thus avoid retarding the answers and stifling the problem-solving process.  A counselor, you listen and actually hear.

And then, having gathered the data, sequester yourself and do what you always do:  process.

Communication descends into conflict because women get offended and hotly defensive.  And of course, that happens so often that men would rather lie to spare themselves the grief, and not communicate with women at all.

Result?  Poor communication and accumulating distrust.

Personally, I push through all these barriers to communication.  If I’m in a relationship where I can’t be honest, and where I can’t then get anything productive accomplished, then that relationship is not only a prison, but a loser.

And I want out.  In fact, I’m getting out!

Most men aren’t like me, however.  They’ll stick around forever having their meals brought to them in their cells.  Thus, if you want to refresh communications, ladies, you have to be the ones to advance the ball.

Stop thinking men have it out for you, and that they want to assault your feelings.  Honesty is not an assault; it’s a cure.  So open the cell doors.  Encourage deep, unflinching honesty.

It will require some acclimation, certainly, but I think you’ll like the results.


So before I finish, one last point.  Having read my latest manuscript, New Rules, my sister, staring significantly at me, said, “I want to tell you something about your book.”

I braced.

“It took alotta balls to right that book,” she followed.  Then, nodding slowly for emphasis, “Alotta balls!”

Now.  Given the book is honest, and given the information within is honest, too.  Doesn’t the fact it takes “alotta balls” to be honest with women demonstrate a real problem?  A real problem for relationships?

Further, aren’t the female politics a problem, too?  I mean, women will read this essay and, as they have confessed about my book, will agree with the content.  Yet, despite the substance being true and helpful, women won’t dare confess their consent to one another.

In other words, we’ve reached a state in gender relations where curative ideas can’t be acknowledged or championed for the source’s gender, and for the politics of image associated with feminist directives against that gender.  Doesn’t that, too, demonstrate a real problem?  A problem for relationships?

And then this:  can you honestly say that your man is the type deserving of those directives, and the penalties?

Anyway, I’m tired of writing now.  Not that I’m out of things to say.  Quite the contrary.  Nevertheless, good luck.  Let me know what you think.



I Wouldn’t Make A Very Good Pastor

Pastor Joel Osteen of Houston’s Lakewood Church says good people have to, like eagles, gain altitude and soar above the riff-raff.  Admirably, Joel follows his own advice.  Me?  Well, like sticking a red-hot poker up my ass, criticism from the riff-raff clips my wings.  My ass on fire, I’m ready to descend and engage.

For example, with an epic flood occurring in Houston, were news agencies to ask me, “Pastor Warren, not opening your church to displaced flood victims.  How do you respond to criticisms?”

My answer:  Well, like I said in my social media post, the church was inaccessible for severe flooding, which in case you haven’t noticed is catastrophic—historic.  Not to mention, the church itself is flooded—here’s the pictures.  Thereto, my personal neighborhood is flooded.  Rescue teams are there evacuating families and pets.  Nevertheless, we sheltered five thousand people in 2001, held a benefit concert for flooding victims in 2016.  We’ve provided telephone numbers and addresses to area shelters while, to make accommodations, we solve our own problems.  The fact is we’ve never closed our doors. We will continue to be a distribution center for those in need, as always, and will be prepared to shelter people once the city and county shelters reach capacity.  As always, we will be a value to the community in the aftermath of this storm in helping our fellow citizens rebuild their lives.

And right there is where a better man like Joel Osteen would leave it.  And the previous being mostly his comments, he actually did leave it there.  Not me.  A less-better man with his ass on fire and ready to engage, I would continue …

… Now, as for those critics?  They can stick their head up their ass.  The truth is they’re probably a bunch of liberals who do nothing but criticize, accuse, and complain anyway.  They’re people who pretend to care about others, but who really care about themselves and their image.  What they really value is the appearance of caring, as opposed to myself, our church members, and conservative people around our great community and country who actually prove they care every day, and in situations like this.  So, good luck to the critics—assholes.  My fervent hope is that God rewards them handsomely according to their deeds.

And, able to rise above the riff-raff and to forgo such an addendum is why Joel’s a better man than me.

I wouldn’t make a very good pastor.

And in view of the aforementioned circumstances—historic flooding, inaccessibility, flooded church, flooded personal neighborhood, and so on, have a gander at what these phony liberal critics say and imply via Twitter:

  • “You know who hasn’t opened his enormous, tax-exempt mega-church as a shelter? Joel Osteen.  About all those tax-free millions, Joel…  You’re an unimaginable bastard and a hell-bound grifter.  And deep down, you know it. You. Know. It.”
  • “Jesus would open his church to the suffering to give them shelter from the storm. Read Matthew 5-7 till it makes sense to you.”
  • “Dude, open up your church, and open up your home. Come on, man…”
  • “You know what may be more effective than prayers? Use of your building or money.”
  • “When Joel Osteen has a gigantic church and 10 mil home in Houston but is only offering prayers to ppl affected.”
  • “Why don’t you do something besides pray for the flood victims? You have tremendous resources.”


Always accusing and blaming.

Always pointing their fingers yet doing nothing.

Always expecting someone else to take care of them and to solve their problems.

Always jealous.

Always uninformed.

Always complaining.

Always entitled to other people’s money and resources.

Always miserable.

Liberals.  Forever the riff-raff good people must rise above.

Like I said—my ass smoldering and wings clipped, I wouldn’t make a very good pastor.

How to Keep Men Happy. Where’s that article?

“10 Things to Keep Your Wife Happy”* was the title of the piece that inspired this one.  I get annoyed at these sorts of articles in part because, keeping women happy seems to be all anyone’s worried about these days.  And to that end, where does one draw the line?  How to “make” women happy?  Okay.  Give me some suggestions.  “Keeping” women happy?  I’m sorry—that seems a laborious, unending siege.

I’m further annoyed by these sorts of articles because they’re usually, not always, written by some skinny-jeans-wearing, crisply quaffed and well-manicured millennial male who, per his advice, you’d swear really wants to be a woman.  The sort whose entire existence is devoted to, you guessed it, keeping a woman happy.  I want everyone to be happy, too—especially me!  So I don’t want either the relational workload or responsibility of which these sorts promote.  In short, I don’t agree that men are the problem, or that they are unsophisticated and insensitive animals in constant need of refinement, which seems the constant and recurring theme.  Thus, I don’t agree with the approach.  Quite the contrary, in fact.

Unlike these devoted sorts apparently—the “apparently” remark a result of pictures in these articles showing men fawning over women, cuddling, listening attentively, fake smiling, being “present,” and doing things their expected to do as opposed to being themselves—I’m thinking:  somebody needs to make and keep me happy!  When did that relationship idea cease being a relationship idea?  “How to Keep Men Happy.”  To a collective feminist gasp, I ask, Where’s that article?

Reading these articles, mostly for research and education purposes related to my work, I always find myself in disagreement on various points and for various reasons.  So more or less countering the aforementioned article, I thought I would give voice to those disagreements, complete though they usually are not, and offer a more realistic and manly perspective.  It’ll be fun.

So, item one:

Never and Always.  The crisply quaffed millennial writer, if indeed he is, thinks the terms never and always should be done away with in relationship dialogue.  Actually, I think he means they should be done away with in relationship conflict.  And, I agree.  The terms should be done away with because, when uttered they’re rarely true—at least, they’re rarely true when women utter them.

Women use the terms more readily because they are more often emotional.  Who criticizes and accuses the other more, men or women?  It’s not even close.  And why do women criticize and accuse men more?  Like I said, because they’re more often emotional—angry, irrational, unhinged.  And when emotions run the show, terms like never and always roll-off the tongue rather fluidly.

Men on the other hand are usually justified when they use the terms.  Examples:  “You never give me a chance to explain.”  And, “You always side with the children.”  Or, “You always blame me and are never the problem.”—both in one sentence, that’s like a double-word score!  So, this never and always thing is a problem, certainly.  For men, anyway.

Men don’t focus on women when they come home from work.  Or as our writer states, men need to better “work the reunions.”  I can’t speak for every man but, when I finish my day, I want some down time.  No talking.  No complaining.  No list of daily events or problems to solve.  Men walk in the door and immediately hear the beeping—beep-beep-beep.  It’s the dump truck full of complaints and problems backing into the den.

Shut the diesel down for a little while.  Come in with a scotch—a double, in fact.  Unloosen my tie, give me a kittenish grin and a little wanton eye contact.  Then slip slowly, silently, into a little reverse cowboy.  Afterwards, my spirit now renewed, I’m ready to listen and take notes—sipping my scotch, of course.  Now we can talk about the events of the day and knock-out all of those problems.  The alternative is men walking in and pretending to want to immediately listen to every one of those 21,000 words women like to daily utter.  “Work the reunions,” he says.  I say this is working it—and well, I might add.  It’s like I always say:  in terms of the need to “work on relationships,” as in adapting and conceding and changing to correct their flaws, there’s but one pair of workboots in the relational closet.  They’re man-size.

Laugh at her attempts at humor.  This recommendation should read:  laugh at her attempts at humor if they’re funny.  Otherwise, it’s a phony deal, something merely being done to “keep” someone happy.  When it comes to making them feel good about themselves, women don’t really care about genuineness.  They’re perfectly content with disingenuousness.  Think it isn’t true?  Try these:  Tell me my butt looks great in these jeans, even though it’s a size 40 (I don’t know how large that size is exactly, but the objective here is to offend the least so as to minimize the grief).  And this one:  Laugh at my humor, even though it isn’t all that funny.

In other words, don’t be honest and don’t be yourself, gentlemen.  To keep women happy, be what?  Disingenuous!  See?  What did I tell you?  Women spend so much time trying to be someone else that they expect their men to do the same.  I don’t know, sounds like one big plastic deal that, for credibility’s sake, men should avoid.  And besides, if men can’t be both honest and themselves in a relationship, why be in it?  It’s a prison, not a partnership.

Defend your wife and family.  I agree with this recommendation but, this is just, pandering.  Shameless pandering.  Of course men are going to defend their wives and family.  And if they don’t, get rid of them, ladies.  What good are they?  On an opposite note, here’s some advice for modern women:  how about championing the watchman who guards the palace gate?  Tell your friends how much you depend on your man, how awesome and hot he is, and how much you can’t wait to get home and bang him for being so awesome and hot.  Emotional, physical, financial—security has a price tag.  Women should start calculating the value of security, instead of pretending it isn’t both necessary and desired.

Be a man softer, kinder, and more tender.  The author actually suggested that men be more “lamblike.”  Yes.  That was my reaction, too.  Again, men:  whatever you do, don’t be who you are characteristically.  That’s the message.  When are women asked to toughen up and to stop being so emotional and girly?  Uh, never.  But it’s perfectly acceptable to both ask and expect men to be less manly and more … “lamblike.”  Imagine the look on John Wayne’s face being told he needs to be more, lamblike.  “Why Quirt, you need to be more lamblike!”  Que the classic, half-eyed Duke stare.

Interestingly, modern men actually comply with such requests.  Don’t believe me?  Just look at the pictures in these “How to keep your women happy” articles.  And while behaving more lamblike, men politely ask, “Dear–Pumpkin–The Air I Breathe, is it okay if I put the whites in the washer?”  Meanwhile, their women are staring out the front window at the shirtless, Thor-like stud next door washing his car and doing other manly things.  “Sure honey,” she says with an internal eyeroll, her eyes fixed on Thor and her loins stirring.

Men being kind and considerate towards their women?  I believe in that practice.  Men being turned into something opposed to Thor?  Nope.  Not so lamblike, and not separating the whites, Thor gets all the female respect and admiration.

The sex problem.  “Women need closeness to feel sexual; men need sex to feel close.”  It sounds like something straight out of a Relationships 101 book, or something a relationship counselor would say to sound profound. Women need closeness to feel sexual?  Sorry, no they don’t.  Ever had a woman come home horny, decided in the fact that she was going to “get her some?”  She doesn’t need closeness, or to be romanced.  She needs a wiener.  Well, let’s elevate our dialogue here:  she needs sexual attention, and she damn well aims to get it.  Granted, this only happens once or twice a month, for the cyclical “fertile” days.  Yet, it does happen.

Women are in fact reckless and uninhibited during these occasions, and they don’t need flowers and candy or to be heard and appreciated, either one.  This supposed need for closeness, otherwise known as romance, is just a way for women to control sex and to get what they want from men emotionally, and in general.  And given that women can come home with fire and intent in their eyes once or twice a month, and not require romance, it’s clearly a selective need.  There’s a sex problem in relationships certainly.  It’s this dogma about female sexuality that renders men beggars and performers.

Men need to be more “touchy.”  I agree.  The fact is women derive a considerable amount of assurance from unsolicited hugs and hand-holding.  In longer standing relationships men tend to neglect this practice, one that purchases a significant amount of goodwill from women.  Men should do more of both, period.  A lot more.

In contrast, women complain when men fondle their breasts in passing.  They act annoyed when, reaching into the oven for the roast, men ease in for a little test-drive.  In the sex and touching department, men are clearly fulfilling their obligation to the relationship’s sexual component.  Women on the other hand act as if there’s a force-field around a man’s genitals that, if broken, will deliver a death charge.

Women avoid touching men because they don’t want to get something started that, for having laundry to do and furniture to polish and social media to peruse, they have no interest in finishing.  Thereto, and yet closer to the truth, women don’t want sex as much as men, and thus don’t want to encourage it.  It really is that simple.  Incidentally, the reason men are drawn to pornography?  Porn women are aggressive and touchy and pretending to be sexually insatiable.

So, brave the force-field, ladies, and act like your starving for it the other 28 days of the month, too.  You’re in a committed relationship for chrissake.  In all its many acts, sexual theater is an obligation.

Men need to help out more around the house.  Men, when’s the last time you had an argument over mowing the lawn, repairing the sink, or one of the many other duties and services you perform?  When’s the last time you discussed the rigors of your career, and the exhausting emotional and physical expenditures related to your work?  Those arguments and conversations don’t take place because the only work that’s hard and taxing occurs in a woman’s life and career.  And the only work that gets done in the relational realm is the laundry, cooking, and cleaning.

Next Saturday, men should get up and say, “Okay, we’re all going out to paint the fence today!” And they can watch everyone make excuses and disappear.  Better yet, next time men hear, “The toilet won’t flush!”  They should return, “Well, fix it.  What am I?  Your plumber?”

Simply, men don’t get any credit for the things they do, and can do, only criticism for the things they don’t.  And do men complain when the painting crew disappears on Saturday morning?  No.  They just paint the fence, alone—and don’t complain or make issue of it, either.  Explains things, doesn’t it?

She isn’t broken, so don’t fix her.  Well, something’s broken.  Otherwise women wouldn’t be issuing so many complaints, criticisms, and accusations to their men.  What’s broken and in need of repair, obviously, is men.  On a serious note, women process things verbally.  They like to work through complex issues and feelings by talking.  I think that’s an extremely effective way to manage issues and feelings, too.

Problem is, men are fixers.  Given a problem, they assess it, and set to solving it.  Creatures of action and loathers of drama and dysfunction, that’s how men approach things.  Unlike women, men aren’t as concerned about the politics of issues, and aren’t as encumbered by the feelings, either.  So in processing matters, women ramble on for their own benefit, and not because they want help solving a problem.  It sounds to men as if women have a problem, and as if women are asking for assistance, but they aren’t.  They’re processing, sorting things out.

It’s not so hard, gentlemen.  Just shut-up and listen.  Have a cocktail and allow the processing.  If women need your help, they’ll ask:  “Well, what do you think?”  See?  Isn’t that easy.  The real challenge for men is listening to all those mind-numbing and ultimately meaningless details resulting from the political concerns and swampy feelings.  But hey, it’s part of the job.  So, suck it up.

Take quitting, or divorce, off the table for a more solid relationship.  According to our crisply quaffed and well-manicured writer, if indeed he is, men need to decide that they meant what they said at the wedding, and that “this woman, come what may, is [their] partner for life.”  He claims women are “entitled to more, the full monty, the whole experience of being affiliated with, no, make that loved by, a man.”  I’m convinced this guy wants to transition.

First, and again, the message is men are the problem—always the problem.  Thus my second point:  in terms of the responsibility for relationship demise, I personally know waaay more women who brought divorce to the table.  And they showed up with other men who were enjoying the sex these women were previously too exhausted to have.  So in regards to divorce, and the need to take it off the relational table, please with the feminine sainthood.

Nevertheless, in regards to a man’s love, when is that ever sufficient or suitable?  It being demanded of men to continuously prove and to reprove their love, it’s clearly never sufficient or suitable.  Men can say “I love you” a million and one times to their women.  They can say the extra 20-pounds doesn’t matter over and over, and that they don’t care if “things” jiggle during sex.  Women don’t hear it—any of it.  Perhaps they hear, they just don’t listen.  Thus, when men profess their love and say they don’t care about twenty-pounds and jiggly things, they may as well be speaking Italian.  And even Italian women don’t listen.

What this divorce/love issue amounts to is more relational bags for men to carry, which is fulfilling the constant female need for reassurance, and being endlessly responsible for women’s self-esteem and self-confidence.  In other words, men are baggage handlers, not partners.  In contrast, how much time do women devote to buttressing the confidence of their men?  To bragging on men’s looks, their physiques, their abilities and accomplishments?

Why, demanding that men notice everything about them—new hair style, fingernails, new outfit—and while listening constantly to their men remind them of how irresistible they are, women don’t have time to buttress the confidence of their men.  And considering that complimenting men in the era of equality is an act of weakness and subordination, women don’t have the inclination, either.  Now, criticizing and accusing?  Why, there’s plenty of time and a natural disposition for that.  In fact, it’s required of independent, equality-minded women.

So love is something for men to continually prove, which they do through continuous, fawning, self-esteem-buttressing attention.  And if they neglect this duty, they’ll be the respondents in divorce proceedings for being unappreciative, emotionally abusive, and for not loving sufficiently or suitably.  Where ultimately the well-established fact will be yet confirmed:  men are the problem.  There’s a simple answer:  treat others how you want to be treated.  Given the circumstances, it should be obvious to whom that message is directed.  And I’ll bet it keeps divorce off the table.






What’s In A Title, Anyway?

New Rules:  Relationship Logic for the Darkside provokes two common questions—albeit, one less common than the other.  The least common regards the “Darkside” reference, which I assume is least common because, given the clearly evident cultural war on men, and the suggestion of a darkside in relationships, most people naturally attribute the reference to men.  In titling the manuscript I presumed the connection easily made, and that most would make it, which has turned out to be the case.  Yet asking about it, some clearly do not make the association.  Actually, I suspect they do make the connection, but merely want their beliefs validated, and clarity.

In any case, men are the “darkside.”  Why are men the darkside?

Basically, there has been a decade’s long feminist assault on the male gender.  Over time, traditional gender relations and relationships were cast aside and a new set of rules was established, guidelines that afforded women legal and political power, and control over men.  And thus, men became the darkside—the evil to which the world’s, the workplace’s, and a relationship’s problems could all be traced.

The more commonly asked question has to do with the New Rules aspect.  Here’s the explanation:  modern gender relations and relationships suck for men, who are at a distinct and extreme political and legal disadvantage.  Basically, the latest rules for gender relations and relationships, which replaced the traditional rules, don’t benefit men and need to be replaced.

Thus the title:  New Rules.

Plainly, the gender relations landscape has changed dramatically.  Being the exposed and virtually powerless in the new era, men need a fresh perspective toward women, and both a new mindset and approach towards gender relations and relationships.  Facilitating this new perspective, and the subsequent mindset and approach, is logic.

Logic is:  reasoning conducted or assessed according to strict principles of validity, or according to strict principles that are well-grounded or justifiable, being at once relevant and meaningful.  In other words, the use of logic is a fact-finding mission.  Logical examination is required to make sense of things, one.  And two, it’s required to expose lies, lies such as men wanting to mistreat and to dominate women, while they actually capitulate to virtually every female demand, and give women nearly everything they want.

Logical examination is the burden of problem solvers.  While the feelers jump from one accusation and complaint to the next, problem solvers have to understand the problem—the full scope of the problem, its every unfortunate and unfavorable detail.  And women being characteristically emotional, and prone to hot accusation and complaint, the gender left with the burden is rather evident.

So having done the thinking, and having made the arguments over so many gender relations and relationship matters.  And thus having made the problem solver’s job easier and his load significantly lighter:  New Rules:  Relationship Logic for the Darkside.